Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
