Yo dont text me then not text me
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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