i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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