I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
