I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
