The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
