On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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