I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
