dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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