god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
