I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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