Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
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It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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