Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
