I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
