Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
