I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
