Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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