i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
