I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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