just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
