It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
