Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
try to milk me bitch
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