I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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