Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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