ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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