and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
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I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize