U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
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she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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