D3 body, D1 cock
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
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it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
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Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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