I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
