Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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