Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
