His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
