My hand turned me down
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
