I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
