Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
