none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
