The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
