We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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