Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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