tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
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Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
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I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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