bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
