You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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