I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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