also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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