My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
