the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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