woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
