We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I could make wine with my vomit
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
