I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
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Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
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You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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