I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
