I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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