Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
