when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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