i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
