I puked a lego.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
