fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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