we have pet lesbian snakes
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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