Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I can't put those talents on a resume
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
