You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
