Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
