On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
